Ramble ramble

Am supposed to quickly make the rest of lunch and then run to the office... was reading blogs instead ...but no energy to comment....gonna be late.... am going to be even later by writing this ... but for the first time in months I really feel I wanna write ... about what ... I have absolutely no idea... I haven't blogged in ages ... I wrote a couple of posts but never put them on the blog... just spilled them out onto my keyboard... never got round to posting them ...

God I love his voice ... the sheikh I used to go to pray tarawee7 with in Ramadan ... am listening to him now... I miss Ramadan .. the spirituality...the " looking for ways" to please Allah ... this constant feeling that drives you to pray and contemplate... and enjoy standing in His hands... even though I try to "renew my spirituality" every now and then ... somehow it's not like Ramadan .. maybe coz am sort of doing it alone ... not like when you see the whole city rushing to Him ... Oh I don't know ...

But al7amdulilah yesterday enjoyed myself immensely... seeing their little faces light up when I just clap... watching him concentrate on the ball like a pro... gently kicking it and not letting it touch the ground as I count...1, 2, 3 , .... and the joy and excitement in his eyes when he outdoes his last count... and you little tiny one.... you had the most amusing giggle when you found you could actually catch and throw the ball... running around... painting their little faces... blowing balloons... laughing.. oh it was wonderful... al7amdulilah...thank you S for helping me to do this.... have promised myself that am going to do this more often and not just on special occassions... just pray that I keep my promise....

Mama told me on chat yesterday that my cousin got divorced 10 days ago... we could see it comin but never really thought it would happen ... whatever that's supposed to mean... the weird thing is I get to know from Mama who's in Libya! And I'm sitting over here and I don't know ... they didn't tell me ... I could see that there was something seriously wrong the past few months... I mean I'd go to visit my aunt at any time of the day and find him there... sometimes with his kids and sometimes alone...but they wouldn't tell me anything ... his sister told me there were problems but no details .... I don't want to know details ... but I just wish I could've helped in any way... I mean by just letting them talk ... them staying together may not really have been the best idea... and maybe this divorce is for the best... but I just hope they don't have any hard feelings... which I doubt :( the thing is I was considered the "little cousin" who lives in Lala Land... where everyone's "nice" ... so they wouldn't really tell me anything... though lately my oldest cousin who's around 10 years older than me has started to feel that I've actually "grown up" !! Anyway Rabena yehawwen 3aleihom... I pray that this doesn't affect their 2 little bright boys... and that they manage to deal with it bema yordi Allah... w Rabena yeheehom w yehdeena ajma3een...

So much to say and no words... all in my head... been so for a couple of days ... a colleague at work told me am not my usual bubbly self... what's wrong? Nothing's wrong al7amdulilah ... just a lot in my head... think I need a long talk with God... will do that tonight isA...

Just checked on the rice... done... so gotta run